May 22, 2015 by Kathy Brous
Romance, Dating and Trauma
Why Dating Never Heals Emotional Pain
People with attachment troubles or other child trauma often ask: why is dating so difficult? It is, for a reason.
So instead of the dating hunt, I invested my life, fortune, and sacred honor to work for “earned secure attachment.” Dr. Dan Siegel says that’s when we start out with attachment damage from childhood trauma, but grow into secure attachment by earning it as adults. “It’s possible to change childhood attachment patterns,” as Dr. Mary Main says in a 2010 video.1
My plan: “become the change you seek,” as Ghandi said — and then a good-hearted mate will find me. Either way, eventually I’ll have peace in my soul.
Look, Ma, no hunting or begging – for once in my life! I’ve been begging since birth for a scrap of love like Oliver with his begging bowl, and I’m done. Dating website emails go to my spam folder.
I know it’s possible to earn secure attachment, even for those with Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) like me who’ve had developmental trauma “since the sperm hit the egg” and thus the world’s worst case of anxious attachment.
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May 5, 2015 by Kathy Brous
New Brain Series
Webinar Series in Progress, April 8-May 13
Dr. Dan Siegel kicked off the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine’s invaluable 2015 “New Brain Series” of weekly webinars April 8. The series continues through May, and you can catch Dr. Pat Odgen on “Why the Body Matters When Working with Brain Science,” Wednesday, May 6 at 5:00 pm Eastern, rebroadcast at 6:30pm Eastern. Sign up to watch free at time of broadcast. Dr. Ogden speaks about Body Work and Somatic Healing. It’s about how to change the brain to heal trauma. Schedule and speakers list for all six weeks is below; videos, mp3s and transcripts of all speakers in April and May will stay available for purchase.
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March 13, 2015 by Kathy Brous
A Pastor’s Battle with Childhood Trauma
[This week we have “Overcoming Adverse Childhood Experiences” (ACEs), a guest blog by Pastor Dave Lockridge of northern California (left). What a story, and what a persistent heart! – Kathy]
From the Merced Sun Star, Merced County, CA:
When I became a pastor as a young man, I was prepared to minister to my congregants through all phases of their lives. I expected to spend my time welcoming new babies into the world, sharing biblical principles with thriving families, and ministering to our elders in their last days. I knew I would be called upon to offer comfort through hard times, illness and loss.
What I didn’t expect to do much of was bury parishioners in their 40s and 50s, or even in their teens – men, women and children who died from everything from heart attacks to lung disease to suicide; parishioners who were suffering mightily from a lifetime of seemingly bad choices.
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