After high school I got a job at Macy’s. I just wanted something super easy because inside I was fighting this terrible mental battle and didn’t believe I could handle a job that made me think. I worked there for about four years but realized I didn’t want a minimum wage job for the rest of my life, so I needed to figure out what to do next. I thought getting into the medical field would be a great career, not knowing what I wanted to do in the field, so I applied as a receptionist at a doctor’s office to get my foot in the door. After working there for about a year, I hated it and realized I didn’t want to go to school for something in the healthcare field. Also, at this point I was feeling so out of control in my mind. I was fighting with friends and family and cutting them out of my life, so they didn’t have to see me self-destruct. I felt it was time that I should go see a doctor and figure out what was going on in my head.
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My story begins when I was a teenager. I knew something wasn’t right with me because I would be extremely happy one day – euphoric like, then the next day I’d be extremely depressed and wouldn’t want to get out of bed and face people. I would often ask my mom why I’m like this and she’d brush it off that I was a moody teenager. I knew I was moody with my hormones being all over the place, but I felt this went beyond normal teenage angst.
As I got older, my anger, depression, and anxiety was getting worse and I started self medicating with alcohol because this would take my pain away for a while. My mom wouldn’t listen to me, that I wanted to see a doctor about my problems, because we don’t talk about mental health in my family. Ironically enough, it runs on both sides of my family, yet it’s a forbidden topic. I tried to talk to my grandma about it but she said I was exaggerating my issues.
By the time I was 16, and I could hardly stand to be in my own skin, and my mom and I were fighting daily- making it a very toxic situation, so I left home.
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